Game 2: Linda Rambis - Fettuccine in Cream Sauce

There have been several figures throughout history who usurped power while under the auspices of serving a sovereign ruler. Cardinal Richelieu, chief minister to King Louis XIII of France. Otto von Bismarck, chancellor to King Wilhelm I of Germany. Rasputin, freaky deaky mystic to Princess Alix of Russia. And now, according to NBA writers, that list includes Linda Rambis, executive director of special events and longtime BFF to Jeanie Buss of Los Angeles.

So… who is Linda Rambis, the so-called “shadow owner” of the Los Angeles Lakers?

Great seats!

The simple answer to most Lakers fans is that Linda is the wife of Showtime Laker Kurt Rambis, the mustachioed and bespectacled fan favorite who looked more like an IRS auditor than a bullying power forward. But her rise to the top of an organization worth $3.7 billion started way before her marriage to Kurt or even her friendship with the team owner’s daughter. 

In fact, before Dr. Jerry Buss bought the Lakers, she knew him through -- we’re talking Jerry Buss, so what else? -- The Playboy Club. By her early 20s, Linda had worked at Playboy’s Miami and Chicago locations and soon became the manager at the Century City club. According to Jeff Pearlman’s Showtime, she became acquainted to Dr. Buss when he started dating her sister, Debra. And when he bought the team in 1979, she was one of the first people hired to work at The Forum. Linda was put in charge of the tennis and volleyball events, the first of many titles she would hold: Tennis VP, marketing associate, special projects associate, executive director of special projects. As a tennis VP, she and Jeanie became best friends while bringing Billie Jean King’s World Team Tennis to LA. During her marketing stint, she fell in love with Kurt Rambis, who told her she was weird on their first date because she said she liked video games. This was the same Kurt, professional athlete, who was sleeping on a blow up mattress at the time.

Mark Madsen could never.

Through a combination of hard work and impeccable timing, she rose the executive ranks while her husband won championships as a player and, later, as an assistant coach. But her roles never included any actual duties involving on-court activities. So it raised eyebrows when, after the firing of Luke Walton and resignation of Magic Johnson, she was in the room during Monty Williams’ interview for head coach. Then the news broke that she and Kurt were heavily involved in pushing Jeanie to consider Jason Kidd as coach and to not hire LeBron’s old coach Tyron Lue. And why was Kurt involved? In 2018, Kurt rejoined the team as a senior basketball adviser. What exactly is a “senior basketball adviser”? It’s like executive producer on a TV show. Two people could have that same title even though one person did next-to-nothing and the other did literally everything. 

These titles are normal when teams bring back old players and coaches in mostly ceremonial roles. But what’s not normal is that shortly after her unqualified family friend resigned after two years as team president, Jeanie has declined to fill Magic’s position and is seemingly listening to a brain trust of Rambis & Rambis for basketball decisions. The “shadow owner” and “shadow president.” Those are very devious labels for what sounds like a Redondo Beach law firm.

This has unleashed a floodgate of rumors about who is really in control of the Lakers. One person I know who isn’t in control of the Lakers? General manager Rob Pelinka, surely the source for most of rumor-filled stories written about the Lakers before they pulled off the Anthony Davis trade. He knows his time in Los Angeles is coming to an end, but he’s trying to set the record straight before he’s mercifully fired. Pelinka’s inevitably short stiny with the Lakers is giving me real Michael Ovitz vibes, when the head of CAA left the agency world to work under Michael Eisner as president of Disney. He left after less than two years, humiliated and forced to wait nearly a decade for a court to uphold the severance package he received. At least when Pelinka’s fired, he can fallback on his dream job: serving on the board of one of Kobe Bryant’s investment funds.

So who really runs the Lakers? That remains to be seen. But I’m getting very tired of hearing the words “Lakers” and “titles” in any context other than an NBA championship.

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Fettuccine in Cream Sauce 

1 12-ounce package of fettuccine noodles

¾ cup of grated Parmesan cheese

½ cube butter

¾ cup half & half

¼ teaspoon cracked pepper

Salt to taste

Cook and drain noodles, return to pot. Over low heat, gently toss noodles, Parmesan cheese, cream, butter, and pepper until the butter melts and mixture is heated through. Serve immediately.

Fast. Simple. Delicious. I don’t think I’ll ever buy canned Alfredo sauce again. Maybe I’ll add a little bit of chopped garlic the next time I make this, but otherwise this was perfect. My compliments to The Shadow Owners!