Game 66: Kurt Rambis - Italian Chopped Salad
Showtime Laker fan favorite Kurt Rambis became adored by Laker nation for his underdog story and physical, unselfish playing style. And also because he’s white. NBA fans, no matter the race, love a tough, often goofy looking white guy who plays in a style that announcers describe with words like grit, blue collar, and lunch pail. And few players epitomized that like Kurt Rambis, the thick-framed glasses-wearing power forward known for his defensive toughness. Rambis played 9 of his 14 seasons with the Lakers, winning four championships and marrying Linda Zafrani, the best friend of Lakers owner Jerry Buss’ daughter, Jeanie. And following his retirement in 1994, Rambis immediately moved to the bench as an assistant coach. With his job secure -- and his look slowly altered by a middle-aged haircut, contact lenses, and the eventual shaving of his porn ‘stache -- the wheels were set in motion for Rambis to become the next head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers. But like a cheap shot Kevin McHale clothesline out of nowhere, Rambis was knocked down multiple times over the decades in his failed attempt to lead the Lakers.
When Rambis was named a special assistant prior to the 1994-1995 season, the Lakers had just come off an embarrassing late season decision to make Magic Johnson head coach. Luckily for the organization, Magic did everyone a solid by admitting he didn’t know what he was doing and resigned. That allowed Del Harris, formerly with the Bucks and Rockets, to get the highly desired spot. Rambis was hired that season as an assistant coach, though he did return to playing halfway through the season when the team needed a back-up power forward. He then re-retired and spent the next few seasons as an assistant to Harris during the outset of the Shaq-Kobe era. But as disheartening playoff exits mounted, Rambis surely knew he was next in line if the two Jerrys, Buss and West, got tired of the coach.
During the lockout shortened 1998-1999 season, Harris was finally canned and Rambis was named interim head coach. Rambis did a serviceable job, winning 24 of his 37 games and leading the Lakers to the conference semifinals. But Jerry West, as he recounts in his book West By West, wanted to put an end to the “musical chairs” that defined the Lakers’ head coaches since Pat Riley left. So he offered the job to Phil Jackson, despite warnings from many that he and the six-time champion Bulls coach would clash. Kurt and Linda were “furious” at Jerry (and Jerry) for going with a big name coach instead of the person seemingly groomed for the job. But Rambis swallowed his pride, stayed with the team as an assistant GM, and did a 3 episode arc on 7th Heaven. By year two of Phil Jackson’s reign, West had had enough of their personality clashes and resigned after forty years within the Lakers. And in year three, tensions between Jackson and Rambis cooled to the point where the coach reached out to offer him a spot on the bench. It would’ve been weird if he hadn’t; by then, Jackson and Jeanie Buss were dating for several years, making them brother-in-laws in the eyes of everyone but the law.
That championship 2001-2002 season began a decade-plus long relationship between the Zen Master and his loyal assistant. When Jackson briefly resigned from the Lakers following the Kobe-Shaq split, Rambis also spent a year away from the bench. But when Kobe Bryant and Jackson sat down and agreed on a workplace detente following the coach’s blistering memoir of Kobe’s behavior during the 2003-2004 season, Rambis rejoined the now nine-time champion coach on the bench.
During Jackson’s second stint with the Lakers, he encouraged his frequent double date companion (and interim coach during Jackson’s back surgery leaves) to interview for head coaching jobs. In 2007, Rambis interviewed for both the Super Sonics and Kings and in 2008 for the Bulls. Following the Lakers’ 2009 title, he became a target for several coach-less teams and Jackson gave him his full support, telling the L.A. Times that “he deserves a chance.” After interviewing with the 76ers and turning down a paltry offer from the Kings, he finally got the head coaching job he spent 15 years chasing. On August 9th, 2009, Rambis was given a four year contract to become the new coach of the Minnesota Timberwolves, ironically replacing Kevin McHale, the man who clotheslined him in the NBA Finals decades earlier.
His tenure was immediately a disaster. Rambis took with him the Triangle Offense that Jackson had made famous in Chicago and Los Angeles. But despite the many laudations heaped upon the Triangle Offense, it didn’t really work in the NBA unless you had MJ & Pippen or Kobe & Shaq/Pau. And it most definitely did not work with young players -- Minnesota had one of the league’s youngest teams -- who were coming of age in the fast-paced 2010s. In his first two years, Rambis compiled a pitiful 31-132 record. Beyond the win-loss column, the Timberwolves, who always had trouble attracting free agents, didn’t need another hindrance in surrounding budding superstar Kevin Love with talented teammates. So after two seasons, Rambis was fired.
Over in Lakers land, the coaching musical chairs that Jerry West ended with the hiring of Phil Jackson had begun anew with his resignation. Mike Brown was given the job during the lockout shortened 2011-2012 season but then fired just six games into the infamous Kobe-Pau-Dwight-Nash 2012-2013 season. Rumors floated that Jackson would make a third go around with the purple and gold. It was such a done deal that he contacted Rambis, then working as a TV analyst, to rejoin him on the bench. But then Jim Buss, in a move that many saw a way to flex his power over Jeanie after the death of their father, changed course and hired Mike D’Antoni, one of the progenitors of the fast-paced, three-point chucking modern NBA.
D’Antoni only lasted two seasons, though he did hire Rambis as an assistant coach, likely as an appeasement to his bosses, Jeanie and Linda. After D’Antoni’s abrupt resignation, the Lakers looked at Rambis again to fill the position but they ultimately went with his former teammate Byron Scott to assume the duties of tank commander. Sensing that he would likely never coach the Lakers, especially one that was in total rebuild mode, Rambis decided to join the Knicks, now run by new president Phil Jackson and led on the floor by rookie coach Derek Fisher. It was a smart, calculated move by Rambis, who sensed that the ill-prepared Fisher would flounder with the Knicks, a team notorious for the heavy turnover of its coaches. After a season and a half, Fisher was fired and Rambis again became an interim coach. But following the 2015-2016 season, the Knicks hired Jeff Hornacek as head coach and Rambis agreed to rejoin him on the bench as an assistant. After two seasons, Hornacek was canned and so was Rambis, but not before he learned that his salacious Twitter likes were public.
And that’s how Rambis’ two decade long coaching career came to an abrupt and unceremonious end. But you shouldn’t feel too bad for him. In 2018, he was brought back into the organization as a “senior basketball advisor.” While other teams use that title to hire old players lacking pensions on a ceremonial basis, the Lakers are run like a small family business, meaning that Kurt was being hired as a loyal adviser in the court of Jeanie. After decades of serving under the whims of people like Jerry West, Jerry Buss, and Phil Jackson, Rambis, the so-called “Shadow President,” finally found himself with real power. And he flexed that power right away in the most ironic way possible: Inserting himself in the search for the next head coach of the Los Angeles Lakers
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Italian Chopped Salad
½ head iceberg lettuce
½ head Romaine lettuce
2 ripe tomatoes
4-6 green onions
½ pound Provolone cheese
1 bunch of radishes, sliced
½ pound Italian salami
Oil and vinegar
Finely chop all of the above ingredients, except the radishes. Add radish slices. Toss with oil and vinegar or Italian dressing.
Linda Monette Zafrani Rambis, I just gotta say… great salad! It’s got the crunch (iceberg lettuce, radishes). It’s got the soft (green onions, tomatoes). It’s even got some salt (salami, cheese). Okay, it’s got A LOT of salt. Just look at all that salami above. I used a photo before I mixed the ingredients together to show you the heaping amount of salami in this salad. If I pass another kidney stone, it’ll probably be from this salad. But it was worth it. It’s a damn cheese and meat platter in a bowl. While making it, I thought it might need some more non-lettuce ingredients, but it’s perfect the way it is. Maybe some croutons if you’re feeling wild, like Kurt Rambis on Twiter.
