Game 39: Jack Curran - Hot Crab Dip

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about former Lakers head trainer Gary Vitti, the man who ushered the team from the days of post-game beers to the modern era of athletes being scrutinized in labs to maximize their peak performance. Vitti got his opportunity in 1984 when head trainer Jack Curran resigned to serve in the same position at the FBI headquarters in Quantico, VA (The FBI was swept in the 1st round of the DOJ playoffs that year). Curran was an old school guy from an even more antiquated era. When the former Seattle Sonics head trainer moved to Los Angeles to work for the Lakers, his job duties included being the team’s traveling secretary. This wasn’t just the Lakers' notoriously stingy owner Jack Kent Cooke being cheap; every team except for the New York Knicks forced their trainer to book travel and accommodations when they weren’t taping up knees.

According to this fantastic Sports Illustrated piece from 1979, Curran’s days of calling airlines ended after Jerry Buss became owner. But before L.A.’s horniest many gave him this respite, he was just another de-facto traveling secretary, a combination “travel agent, laundress, mother, father, brother, shrink, banker and lawyer” which is how the Golden State Warriors’ Dick D'Oliva described being a trainer. Nowadays, medical or graduate school degrees are prerequisites for keeping the world’s highest-paid athletes bodies from falling apart. But in the middle of the century, truck drivers were being hired as trainers. One of those truck drivers was Curran, whose first gig was with minor league baseball’s Pensacola Dons. When he later worked for the New Haven Blades hockey team, one of their main concerns wasn’t medical, but rather whether he’d be able to play back-up goalie. In his first game as back-up, he immediately gave up 5 goals.

But the former truck driver learned enough on the job to become a valuable component to the Showtime Lakers. In the later years of his career, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar became stricken with repeated, debilitating migraines. The 7’2” center’s inability to sit comfortably on airplanes, twisting his neck and body while wrapped in a blanket like “a giant mummy,” was a major factor for the throbbing explosions in his head. Kareem had seen some of Los Angeles’ best chiropractors and doctors, but none could cure him. 

In the 1982 playoffs against the Sixers, Kareem’s recurring migraines caused him to have one of his worst games. The problem recurred in 1984 after a cross-country flight to play game 1 of the NBA Finals against the hated Boston Celtics. Kareem missed breakfast, the team’s bus, and 11am practice. But at noon, Curran had Kareem lay down on a table. The former truck driver placed his hands on Kareem’s head and snapped the neck of the NBA’s all-time leading scorer. ''As soon as I heard the neck crack,'' Kareem Abdul- Jabbar said, ''I started to feel better.'' The Lakers won game 1. Kareem had 32 points, 8 rebounds, 5 assists, and 2 steals.

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Hot Crab Dip

3 tablespoons melted butter

3 tablespoons flour

½ teaspoon salt

1 ½ cups milk

1 tablespoon Worcestershire Sauce

½ teaspoon Tabasco Sauce

¼ teaspoon black pepper

¼ teaspoon dry mustard

½ teaspoon dried parsley

1 pound crab meat

3 tablespoons cooking sherry

Combine butter, flour, and milk to make a sauce. Add all remaining ingredients, except cooking sherry. Serve in chafing dish with melba toast squares or cocktail crackers.

Now that I’m almost halfway through Goldstein and Gasol, I can solidly say that the worst thing about this project is the vague recipes. More so that spending tons of money on something that ends up disgusting, I cannot stand purchasing all the items and writing up a blog post and getting ready to cook, only to be confused by the instructions. After “Add all remaining ingredients, except cooking sherry,” you’d expect an instruction to add the cooking sherry, right? Nope. Do I keep the three tablespoons on the side for fun? Am I supposed to add it while everything is heating? When do I heat? This is a hot crab dip, after all.

I didn’t have a chafing dish, so I combined the remaining ingredients (INCLUDING THE COOKING SHERRY) with the “sauce” in a saucepan over low heat. Unfortunately, Albertson’s pulled a bait and switch on me, tricking me into thinking their bright red Krab meat was fresh crab. Since I didn’t want to spend hours boiling crab legs/claws and cracking it myself, I bought a couple 8 oz canisters of real crab meat. It wasn’t that bad. But...

“Wet cat food.”

That’s how my girlfriend described the dip after I was 5 dips in. I tried to like it, thinking I could eat half of it as a full meal. But after that spot-on description, we dumped it in the trash.